One month ago our lives spiralled downhill. For anyone who knows us they know that our animals are our lives. Tony and I breed and show our beloved Devon Rex. Tony had the number 1 Devon in our cat council, a stunning tortie girl called Marble.
We have an automatic door closer that wasn't functioning as well as it could. My male stafford Q had figured out how to open the door and the door then hadn't closed. Marble went outside and sometime during the day she was killed by my dogs. MY dogs...the dogs I had plans to breed and continue my bloodlines.
Tony fell apart, his world was shattered as Marble was his beloved pretty girl. She was a gorgeous typey girl who we had big plans for...and my dogs ended her life. I can't get the image of that out of my mind. Or of Q bringing a small part of her fur to us as his trophy, he was so proud of himself. I had to deal with some of the remains while dealing with my own grief. Everything I knew and loved about my dogs had turned around and bitten me in the butt.
I immediately contacted Q's breeder and asked her to rehome him. Nell was in season and we were mere days away from preparing for a litter of pups but all those plans came to a screeching halt. I couldn't look at my dogs or touch them for three days.
And during this time I fell sick, I fell very,very sick. I had a cold before all of this and all of the stress made it settle on me very heavily. I was heartsick, I was emotionally sick, I was physically sick and I was mentally sick...I was broken.
A month has passed and we have dealt with our emotions and our feelings of loss.I returned to dog training with Q this week. I made the decision to get him desexed and I haven't regretted it. But I have discovered a side effect from all of this stress....I've lost my happy. I've lost the joy of training Q, of working with him and seeing him enjoy working with me. I came home from training last night and wept in my husbands arms.
And, I don't know where to find it or how to get it back.......if you find my happy, can you please let me know?
1 comment:
Oh geez. I'm late seeing this Cin. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. I adore bullies more than any breed but I wonder if I'll ever have the nerve to try one again after my wonderful Jersey is gone. It takes a combination of dogs AND cats to make my house a home and to make that home a peaceful one a different breed would probably be best. I wish you had emailed me, you know I'm there for you also.
Love you much.
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