Marathon & Moving Forward
11 years ago
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Conversing with Men
Sometimes you wonder how they managed to evolve, really!
Sitting down to watch some tv last night, I was concerned by a nasty large scratch on husbands leg. Conversation follows, with C being me and T being husband.
C- How did you get that scratch on your leg?
T- Where?
C -(looking at him strangely) The one on your elbow...
*sound of crickets chirping*
T- WHAT?!!!
I heart him, I really and truly do....
Cin
Sitting down to watch some tv last night, I was concerned by a nasty large scratch on husbands leg. Conversation follows, with C being me and T being husband.
C- How did you get that scratch on your leg?
T- Where?
C -(looking at him strangely) The one on your elbow...
*sound of crickets chirping*
T- WHAT?!!!
I heart him, I really and truly do....
Cin
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
First Day and Aspergers Ramblings....
Tuesday was a big milestone for our family as Conor went for his very first day at Prep School. Prep is what used to be preschool and now goes from 9am to 3pm, a big day for little people, especially when its five days a week!
All of my kids were up at 5.30am too excited to sleep. Caitie was very excited as she now is in the Middle school of our P-12 school. It meant a new uniform, new area of the school campus and a new format for learning. Aiden was excited too as he had a new teacher. Our aims for all of the kids this year are neater handwriting, more diligence in the classroom and NO MORE BULLYING!! Caitie had actually been assigned to the same class as a girl who viciously attacked her last year and I made it known that if she were to stay in that class, I would be removing her from the school. The Principal had her moved to a different class, with a teacher she likes alot...which is a plus. She's tough as old boots, is Caitie, but there is only so much a young lady can handle.
A huge thankyou to Nana Jen for helping me hem her skirt and take in her shirts (in other words, Jen did the work and I cheered) and for making her headbands. I have orders for more (grin).
All of my kids were up at 5.30am too excited to sleep. Caitie was very excited as she now is in the Middle school of our P-12 school. It meant a new uniform, new area of the school campus and a new format for learning. Aiden was excited too as he had a new teacher. Our aims for all of the kids this year are neater handwriting, more diligence in the classroom and NO MORE BULLYING!! Caitie had actually been assigned to the same class as a girl who viciously attacked her last year and I made it known that if she were to stay in that class, I would be removing her from the school. The Principal had her moved to a different class, with a teacher she likes alot...which is a plus. She's tough as old boots, is Caitie, but there is only so much a young lady can handle.
A huge thankyou to Nana Jen for helping me hem her skirt and take in her shirts (in other words, Jen did the work and I cheered) and for making her headbands. I have orders for more (grin).
All three in their beautiful new uniforms. Please take note that they are wearing white socks and Caities blouse is white...it'll probably be the last time ever that they are ALL wearing matching clean socks and her uniform is pristine. She got home yesterday and somehow managed to get chocolate on the BACK of the blouse.
As an aside- Anyone care to comment? A friend of mine has a child with Aspergers Syndrome. AS children have a lack of empathy to others as one of the symptoms. Its seems that many more children are being diagnosed with this area of the Autism spectrum these days than previously before. Is it because we know a little more about it? We understand that children with AS are not willful, disobedient children who have little care for others? And this is the ponderings of a mother who doesn't have a child with AS- Could some of our more horrific crimes of old have been committed by those with AS as they had no concept they were doing wrong and had not been diagnosed? I ask in all seriousness and fully understand that I will probably upset some parents with AS children. I am not saying that AS kids are mass murderes or rapists in the making...just a tangent of thought that hit me. Rather than bottle it up, I was curious as to the concept??? Has anyone any thoughts on this?
Cin
Monday, January 26, 2009
Fantastic Parenting Article
I'm the first to admit I don't have all the answers. Frankly, half the time I don't have a clue with Caitie but the following made sense to me. I read it at the Mother and Baby website. The article is titled "Argue with Me."
"Why would any sane parent teach his kids to talk back? Because, as one father found, it can actually increase family harmony.
Those of you who don’t have perfect children will find this familiar: Just as I was in line at a bank, my 5-year-old daughter chose to throw a tantrum, screaming and writhing on the floor while a couple of elderly ladies looked on in disgust. (Their children, evidently, had been perfect.) I gave Dorothy a disappointed look and said, “That argument won’t work, sweetheart. It isn’t pathetic enough.”She blinked a couple of times and got up, pouting but quiet.“What did you say to her?” one of the women asked.I explained that “pathetic” was a term used in rhetoric, the ancient art of argument. I had happened across the subject one rainy day in a library and become instantly obsessed. As a result Dorothy had learned almost from birth that a good persuader doesn’t merely express her own emotions; she manipulates her audience. Me, in other words.
Under my tutelage in the years that followed, Dorothy and her younger brother, George, became keenly, even alarmingly, persuasive. “Well, whatever it was,” the woman said, “it certainly worked.”Sure it did. I’ve worked hard at making my kids good at arguing. Absolutely.
Let’s face it: Our culture has lost the ability to usefully disagree. Most of us seem to avoid argument. But this has produced passive aggression and families unable to discuss things as simple as what to watch on television. Rhetoric doesn’t turn kids into back-sassers; it makes them think about other points of view. Whereas the goal of a fight is to dominate your opponent, in an argument you succeed when you bring your audience over to your side.
The three tools of argument.
To disagree reasonably, a child must learn the three basic tools of argument. I got them straight from Aristotle, hence the Greek labels: logos, ethos, and pathos.
Logos is argument by logic. If arguments were children, logos would be the brainy one, the big sister who gets top grades in high school. Forcing my kids to be logical forced them to connect what they wanted with the reasons they gave.
“Mary won’t let me play with the toy car.”
“Why should she?”
“Because she’s a pig.”
“So Mary should give you the car because she’s a pig?”
Doing this makes your kids think logically.
Ethos, or argument by character, employs the persuader’s personality, reputation, and ability to look trustworthy. My kids learned early on that a sterling reputation is persuasive – a parent is more likely to believe a trustworthy kid and to accept her argument. For example, if both kids deny having eaten the last cookie, ethos becomes vital.
Me: “One of you took the cookie.”
Dorothy: “Have I ever stolen cookies before?”
Me: “Good point. George?”
Then there’s pathos, argument by emotion. It’s the sibling who gets away with everything by skillfully playing on heartstrings. In rhetorical lingo, Dorothy’s tantrum wasn’t “pathetic” enough, because she was thinking too much about her own feelings and failing to manipulate mine. When a kid learns to read your emotions and play them like an instrument, you’re raising a good persuader.
Dorothy: “Dad, you look tired. Want to sit down?”
Me: “Thanks. Where did you have in mind?”
Dorothy: “The beach.”
So one example, using the three tools, would be:
“Mummy, I deserve an ice cream sundae because…I need a lot of extra calcium for my growing bones.” (The logos method.)I was just thinking about that time you were late picking me up from school…” (The pathos method.) I just cleaned my room – and my little sister.” (The ethos method.)
Admittedly, a toddler might find it difficult to apply logos, ethos, and pathos, but as with every other useful skill, you have to start young. Instead of “Use your words,” I would say, “See if you can talk me into it.” When my children made an honest attempt to persuade me to let them watch television, for instance, I gave in whenever possible: the win felt doubly rewarding to them. Indeed, as my children get older and more persuasive, I find myself losing more arguments than I win. They drive me crazy. They do me proud."
I found this article very helpful to understand why my kids often chuck a wobbly. They just don't know how to argue their point well enough. If you enjoyed this, check out part two on the website!
"Why would any sane parent teach his kids to talk back? Because, as one father found, it can actually increase family harmony.
Those of you who don’t have perfect children will find this familiar: Just as I was in line at a bank, my 5-year-old daughter chose to throw a tantrum, screaming and writhing on the floor while a couple of elderly ladies looked on in disgust. (Their children, evidently, had been perfect.) I gave Dorothy a disappointed look and said, “That argument won’t work, sweetheart. It isn’t pathetic enough.”She blinked a couple of times and got up, pouting but quiet.“What did you say to her?” one of the women asked.I explained that “pathetic” was a term used in rhetoric, the ancient art of argument. I had happened across the subject one rainy day in a library and become instantly obsessed. As a result Dorothy had learned almost from birth that a good persuader doesn’t merely express her own emotions; she manipulates her audience. Me, in other words.
Under my tutelage in the years that followed, Dorothy and her younger brother, George, became keenly, even alarmingly, persuasive. “Well, whatever it was,” the woman said, “it certainly worked.”Sure it did. I’ve worked hard at making my kids good at arguing. Absolutely.
Let’s face it: Our culture has lost the ability to usefully disagree. Most of us seem to avoid argument. But this has produced passive aggression and families unable to discuss things as simple as what to watch on television. Rhetoric doesn’t turn kids into back-sassers; it makes them think about other points of view. Whereas the goal of a fight is to dominate your opponent, in an argument you succeed when you bring your audience over to your side.
The three tools of argument.
To disagree reasonably, a child must learn the three basic tools of argument. I got them straight from Aristotle, hence the Greek labels: logos, ethos, and pathos.
Logos is argument by logic. If arguments were children, logos would be the brainy one, the big sister who gets top grades in high school. Forcing my kids to be logical forced them to connect what they wanted with the reasons they gave.
“Mary won’t let me play with the toy car.”
“Why should she?”
“Because she’s a pig.”
“So Mary should give you the car because she’s a pig?”
Doing this makes your kids think logically.
Ethos, or argument by character, employs the persuader’s personality, reputation, and ability to look trustworthy. My kids learned early on that a sterling reputation is persuasive – a parent is more likely to believe a trustworthy kid and to accept her argument. For example, if both kids deny having eaten the last cookie, ethos becomes vital.
Me: “One of you took the cookie.”
Dorothy: “Have I ever stolen cookies before?”
Me: “Good point. George?”
Then there’s pathos, argument by emotion. It’s the sibling who gets away with everything by skillfully playing on heartstrings. In rhetorical lingo, Dorothy’s tantrum wasn’t “pathetic” enough, because she was thinking too much about her own feelings and failing to manipulate mine. When a kid learns to read your emotions and play them like an instrument, you’re raising a good persuader.
Dorothy: “Dad, you look tired. Want to sit down?”
Me: “Thanks. Where did you have in mind?”
Dorothy: “The beach.”
So one example, using the three tools, would be:
“Mummy, I deserve an ice cream sundae because…I need a lot of extra calcium for my growing bones.” (The logos method.)I was just thinking about that time you were late picking me up from school…” (The pathos method.) I just cleaned my room – and my little sister.” (The ethos method.)
Admittedly, a toddler might find it difficult to apply logos, ethos, and pathos, but as with every other useful skill, you have to start young. Instead of “Use your words,” I would say, “See if you can talk me into it.” When my children made an honest attempt to persuade me to let them watch television, for instance, I gave in whenever possible: the win felt doubly rewarding to them. Indeed, as my children get older and more persuasive, I find myself losing more arguments than I win. They drive me crazy. They do me proud."
I found this article very helpful to understand why my kids often chuck a wobbly. They just don't know how to argue their point well enough. If you enjoyed this, check out part two on the website!
Where Did All the Nice Kids Go?
We spent a lovely day at the Beach on Sunday, a day before all the crowds would decend en masse' for Australia Day. After having a simple lunch of sandwiches and softdrink, the kids, with two parents in tow, hit the water. It was a gorgeous day, the sun was shining, the water was cold. It was just what we needed to blow out the cobwebs prior to jumping back on the school rollercoaster.
At a later part of the day, Husband and I meandered across the road to check out an Antique Store, leaving the kidlets to play in the playground. One item of fascination was an adapted flying fox which whizzed around on an almost oval track, sending all the kids into screaming fits of laughter.
As we came back across the road, it made my heart soar when I realised that Caitlin was helping all of the littlies to get up on the swing and was gently pushing them so they didn't fall off when it bounced back. Aiden was helping to pull it back up to its starting position and they were both making sure that everyone was taking turns. That is until a rotten little child of about seven, barged in and kept trying to get in front of everyone else. My dad was watching the kids and told Conor he couldn't have a go as he was too little. I explained to Dad that if he got hurt, well tough bikkies, he had to at least have a go. So, after wretched child had a turn, I went to help Conor up. And Brat promptly tried to get back on. I told him politely that he had just had a go, we were all waiting and he too could wait his turn. Needless to say, Conor had a go, didn't fall off and was way chuffed with himself.
It led me to the question though, "Where have all the nice kids gone?" Are mine the exception to the rule? I make my children say please and thankyou, they hold doors open for the elderly or ladies who are pregnant or with prams. They stop to pick up things others have dropped. Are they so rare these days? While swimming, occassionally the play was too rough so they were sent out for a time out. Again, am I the only one who stops my kids from doing wrong?
Brat child came walking back some time later with a huge icecream cone that my children were wistfully eyeballing. One by one they all came up and asked if they too could get an icecream. Unfortunately we hadn't budgeted for that for the day but I did counter offer with icy cold slices of watermelon. Well, my three were as happy as Larry, piling into the sweet slices and smearing it all over each other.
You know, this past year, Caitie was particularly rude to her teacher one day and was sent to the office to think about her behaviour. Admittedly her teacher was an idiot who was abusive to the children, threw things and was just awful BUT I made her write out an apology and give it to her teacher because he deserved her respect. I've done it with Aiden before. How can our children learn right from wrong if, as parents, we allow them to get away with so very much. Respect is an easy word to spell but a difficult concept to grasp. I hope that I have put in the hard yards and my kids learn these lessons now, to stand them in good stead later.
At a later part of the day, Husband and I meandered across the road to check out an Antique Store, leaving the kidlets to play in the playground. One item of fascination was an adapted flying fox which whizzed around on an almost oval track, sending all the kids into screaming fits of laughter.
As we came back across the road, it made my heart soar when I realised that Caitlin was helping all of the littlies to get up on the swing and was gently pushing them so they didn't fall off when it bounced back. Aiden was helping to pull it back up to its starting position and they were both making sure that everyone was taking turns. That is until a rotten little child of about seven, barged in and kept trying to get in front of everyone else. My dad was watching the kids and told Conor he couldn't have a go as he was too little. I explained to Dad that if he got hurt, well tough bikkies, he had to at least have a go. So, after wretched child had a turn, I went to help Conor up. And Brat promptly tried to get back on. I told him politely that he had just had a go, we were all waiting and he too could wait his turn. Needless to say, Conor had a go, didn't fall off and was way chuffed with himself.
It led me to the question though, "Where have all the nice kids gone?" Are mine the exception to the rule? I make my children say please and thankyou, they hold doors open for the elderly or ladies who are pregnant or with prams. They stop to pick up things others have dropped. Are they so rare these days? While swimming, occassionally the play was too rough so they were sent out for a time out. Again, am I the only one who stops my kids from doing wrong?
Brat child came walking back some time later with a huge icecream cone that my children were wistfully eyeballing. One by one they all came up and asked if they too could get an icecream. Unfortunately we hadn't budgeted for that for the day but I did counter offer with icy cold slices of watermelon. Well, my three were as happy as Larry, piling into the sweet slices and smearing it all over each other.
You know, this past year, Caitie was particularly rude to her teacher one day and was sent to the office to think about her behaviour. Admittedly her teacher was an idiot who was abusive to the children, threw things and was just awful BUT I made her write out an apology and give it to her teacher because he deserved her respect. I've done it with Aiden before. How can our children learn right from wrong if, as parents, we allow them to get away with so very much. Respect is an easy word to spell but a difficult concept to grasp. I hope that I have put in the hard yards and my kids learn these lessons now, to stand them in good stead later.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
More Kids Saying the Darndest things
Conor came into my bedroom after his bath the other day and calmly stated he was allowed to get dressed in there as he was now a Big Un....
Aiden came to the shop to deliver my morning tea and said, deadpan, "don't blame me but Daddy said we nearly got a bus up our arse." I couldn't yell at him cause I was laughing so hard. Besides, it was Daddy's fault.
And as an aside, both Caitie and Aiden are beginning to call me Mum and to call Tony Dad. I miss the Mummy and Daddy. The first time stopped me in my tracks. I know they don't do it forever but I'm still going to miss it.
Birds and Bees and Kittens
I have always been straight with everyone, I don't sugar coat stuff but I do explain things to the best of MY ability and to suit the age of the person I am talking to. I have often taken my kittens up to the kids school to show them off to the littlies in Grade 1 and Prep. So its fair to say that I often get sex questions from little kids. And I tell them as much of the truth as I can, if it gets too indepth or I feel its something their parents should be involved in, I tell them that its a question for Mummy or Daddy to answer.That being said, Pearl went into labour while Caities 11 year old friend was over. Teag's was more than interested in the whole process but was hindered by Pearls desire to have the baby in the smallest darn space possible. Because I couldn't see what was going on, I had a feeling it was going to be a difficult birth. Poor Teagan and all my kids got to see the hard part of giving birth when the babies bag broke long before it was going to come out, it was a breach birth and the baby just wasn't coming out! So, in the absence of all politeness, I told them all to "Move, move, get outta the way!" We then had to drag the Mum out into the light (sigh) and help her to have her baby. Every push would produce a very purple pair of legs, caused by the circulation being cut off by the vulva contracting back around them. I gently grasped what I could and pulled steadily with Mums contractions. No she wasn't happy about that and told me so! Finally we had everything going well, baby was almost out...and then we discovered he had a huge boofy head. That took some getting out, with Mum yowling, me swearing, the kids gasping and finally, amid a gush of placenta and birth fluid, he arrived. And promptly sat up, gasped once, flopped down dramatically and stopped breathing!
Another sigh on my behalf and we went to work on him. We do it often as we don't like to take risks with our babies. Tony snipped the placenta and we kept it to look at later. Vigorous rubbing produced more gasps and then he took off. We placed him with Mum and the kids starting talking amid questions. They all were grossed out by the placenta until I unravelled it and explained how it worked and then it was just fascinating!
All the kids were fantastic and handled the tension well. There were no tears or dramatics and we ended up with one lovely little boy, who is at the moment nameless and four excited kids.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
When did they grow up?
Every now and then you stop and think, Wow, where did that time go?
Caitie had her very first grown up, Can-I-Choose-It-Myself haircut just before Christmas. Aiden shows maturity in the way he plays with Conor. And just the other day, Conor told me he was getting himself dressed cause he's a "big un". LOL.
Conor is now dry at night too. Having a slightly broken child sometimes means that milestones take a little while to arrive. Conor has a polycystic kidney and drinks alot of water. It meant that by the age of four, he still wore nappies at night. During our time in Sydney, he stopped wearing them...just like that...just like Conor!
You blink and suddenly they are leaving home!
Caitie had her very first grown up, Can-I-Choose-It-Myself haircut just before Christmas. Aiden shows maturity in the way he plays with Conor. And just the other day, Conor told me he was getting himself dressed cause he's a "big un". LOL.
Conor is now dry at night too. Having a slightly broken child sometimes means that milestones take a little while to arrive. Conor has a polycystic kidney and drinks alot of water. It meant that by the age of four, he still wore nappies at night. During our time in Sydney, he stopped wearing them...just like that...just like Conor!
You blink and suddenly they are leaving home!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Laughter is the Best Medicine
Its been a long summer, a very, very long summer. With three kids, all with different personalities under the same roof I expected the fights and tantrums. I didn't expect the humour as well.
Caitie was having a huge whinge that she was sitting at the table for dinner while Aiden had managed to sit in the lounge and watch the news with us. He walked past her and muttered something which cause an even bigger hissy fit. I asked what was going on and she spun around and yelled, "Tell Aiden to stop calling me twinkletoes!!"
I spat my water...
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Flying High and Home Again
What a Christmas! As mentioned previously, we all lobbed onto a plane on Christmas day and flew down to Sydney. All bags arrived, all children were unharmed and the flight was a breeze.
The following day was our 2nd Christmas and we enjoyed a hot day followed by a small summer storm. Nothing as fantastical as the Queensland storms but a cool change none the less.
My mum lives on a very steep hill with an evil hook to the right at the bottom of it. Since the kids took their scooters with them, they were under strict instructions NOT to scooter down the hill...they were given strict instructions ,twice. While enjoying the cool afternoon, it came to my attention that three children were flying past the window at warp speed. Contrary to former death threats, they were indeed scootering down the hill, hitting Mach III. My rather worried Mum asked if she should go out and tell them not to. You know, we could have done that. You know, we then would have had an entire week of telling them over and over again not to go scootering ....you get the drift. So, I said no. They have to learn...the hard way.
Sure enough, not five minutes later, there was a crash followed by Caitie screaming. Yup, the evil right hook had got her. She had swept round the corner at devastating speed, wobbled, lost control and hit the grass which effectively stopped the scooter cold. When a scooter going at over 40km an hour is suddenly stopped, the law of inertia means that the child ON the scooter keeps right on going...over the top. She had a massive graze down her leg, a small graze on her elbow and more worryingly, she couldn't move her arm. We bandaged it and watched her over the next few hours. There was no swelling, no pain on bending, so it was quite obviously a sprain.
Mind you, they didn't go scootering down the hill again!
The following day we spent wandering around Taronga Zoo. I will post more photographs and info about that another day. I will finish however with this truly lovely photograph from the Zoo which has the infamous "Nuns In a Scrum" (aka the Sydney Opera House) as well as one of the Tall Ships sailing through the harbour.
Cheers,
Cin
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