How To Deal With Bullies.

There is a video that has gone viral which shows a young man taking a stand against a bully and fighting back. The young man has been labelled a hero and a poster child for bullied children everywhere. Much has been said about sensationalising bullying because this footage has been played over and over again. For me, as a parent, I believe the young man is a hero because, when all was said and done, he walked away. He stood there and took the bullying, snapped, gave as good as he got but then he walked away. He could have beaten his bully to within an inch of his life but he didn't.

I found myself on the other side of the coin on Friday when my husband rang me at our shop to inform me that Conor wanted to tell me something. Slightly bemused, I tried to speak to a little boy who could only say "whennoehrjhokdlkfee....uh uh uh". "I don't understand you", I replied. This was followed by another senence of gobbledygook followed by the word "bully". "You've been bullied at school?" I said into the phone....and this little voice, full of tears whispered, "No, I bullied Jack and made him cry and I bullied A- as well...." He subsided into wails of despair. I counted to three, pulled much air into my lungs and roared,"You did WHAT!"

I don't tolerate bullying. I was a bullied child and I... DO... NOT... TOLERATE... IT... IN... MY... HOME! All of my kids know this.

When I got home, Conor showed me a letter his teacher made him write to apologise to me for being a bully. I decided then and there that it simply wasn't enough. It was time to show my school how bullies should be dealt with. I got down on his level, looked him in the eye and told him exactly how I felt about him, about bullying and I finished with "I love you very much but right now, I don't want to be your friend."

Monday morning rolled around and he was marched up to the school, he was made to stand in front of his class and apologise to Jack, to his other victim even though she wasn't there, to his class and to apologise for not being safe, being responsible or being respectful. I spoke to the students and asked them if they could help Conor to not be a bully to the other students because it is not allowed in my home. And I asked Jack if he accepted Conors apology.

Of course, it would have made more impact if His Nibs didn't have a big shit-eating grin on his face at the time BUT I made my point to him. And besides, I made him cry first....(gr)

And this is how I feel parents should deal with bullying. DON'T accept it as a normal part of growing up, don't expect it to make your child stronger, don't think it fantastic that you have the toughtest kid in the school. And most importantly, don't be afraid to haul your little rotter up in front of the school and make him apologise. Bullying can scar kids for life, it affects how they interact with others and it can affect their ability to make longterm relationships in the future. Stand up for your child if he is being bullied but also stand beside him if he is a bully and make him stop! Its what all good parents do...I know because I did!

A Huge Day.

At the end of the Summer holidays, the kids and I went to the Museum and, on a whim, followed through to the Gallery of Modern Art. There the kids came in contact with an artwork by Australian artist Ron Mueck. It was a gigantic sculpture of a woman in bed. The realism was amazing at it blew my kids away. So when we found out that he was having a display at the Gallery, well we had to go!

We went around the entire display and I asked each child to tell me their favourite piece. The kids were enthralled with each work and amazed with the depth of detail each one had.

Aidens favourite was the newborn baby "A Girl". It was gigantic and so realistic.

Big Head is another favourite of all three of my children. Each individial bristle had to be hand placed into microscopic pores. He even has his teeth in place and nostril hairs!

Another interesting fact about this piece is that it is a like a giant mask. There is not substance to it, it is literally a mask!

We all found this one to be quite disturbing, mainly for the fact that the subject seemed unaffected by the fact he had been stabbed and was bleeding. There was no emotion. This one affected Caitie quite a bit.

Now we all know boys love gruesome stuff but even this one was a bit gross for my boys. This dead chicken, called Still Life, is about the size of an elephant and hangs inelegantly from a butchers hook suspended from the ceiling.

It is gory and real yet strangely puppetlike. You expect the thing to suddenly start flapping! It was a magnet for alot of children.

If you went around the other side of the bird, you could see where its throat had been cut and all the innards exposed. Very clinical though, no blood.

This gentleman, in his big boat, seemed cold and grumpy to the kids. He held little interest as he was not on their eye level.

Caitlins favourite piece is "In Bed". She told me when she first saw it that she thought the lady was very sad and unhappy. She kept coming back to it though. It was interesting to watch how many people copied her hand position without realising they were doing it. I find her disturbing and heartbreakingly sad.

This is a very jolly lady, attuned to her work. Mind you, there is no way I would be picking these up in the nudy! The balance was excellent, symmetrical.

One of the more "controversial" pieces to show children. It is called Wild Man and Conor liked him immensely. (He secretly told me he liked that he was in the nude. Caitie said that she thought he had a small penis for his size LOL). I did tell my kids before going in that they would be seeing graphic nudity and they already knew what a willy looked like. After a few little sniggers, they settled down to look at the sculptures as a whole rather than just the rude bits.

Yes, I did blank out his bits for those who don't really want to see a gigantic big willy. This was another confronting piece. The title suggested someone who was used to being on his own and the subject seemed anxious and uncomfortable being thrust, naked, into the spotlight.

Caitie and Aiden assessing the gigantic baby. They found the blood and placenta traces to be both fascinating and appalling in equal measures.

While I appreciated the detail, I found this one to be the most unrealistic of all the pieces.

And finally, my favourite piece. Titled "Old Woman In Bed", it is an elderly woman who appears very ill, sleeping huddled under a blanket. It is beautiful in a very sad way. You want to walk up and gently brush the hair off her brow and whisper quietly that it will be alright. It captures a moment between life and death and the Gallery had it hidden away around a corner. Absolutely beautiful.

So, there we have it. The Ron Mueck exhibition at the Gallery of Modern Art, Brisbane. Its a must see if you are in the area.

I will post more of my kids trip to the city at a later date. I am tired right now....

Cin.

A Farm Girl at Heart

I grew up on a farm. Actually I grew up on many farms, piggeries, massive properties, the works. It was always my job to look after the chickens. Of course, as a kid, any time not spent playing was wasted so I hated it.


I was also a lonely teenager who lived in a small country town where most of my friends lived outside of town and I had no transport, therefore no friends whom I saw after school or at the weekend. And there I found my first love of chooks. I loved their orderly lives, I loved that they would take any bit of garbage and turn it into fresh eggs. I loved that mine would come running when I called out 'chook, chook, chicKENS!' I loved seeing them delve with much pleasure into table scraps. I loved the feel of their feathers and the sheen they had in sunlight.


And stupidly enough, I learnt to understand how they worked in a flock. I learnt how to round them up and get them to go where I wanted them to go. Chooks are a bit like sheep, they follow the leader and the slightest body movement changes their direction. My kids don't understand this and it frustrates me. And my kids also don't get that chooks need food to produce eggs and clean water to stay healthy...this too frustrates me.


But all in all, I just love having them around. I love to indulge my passion for chooks by spoiling them with a new layer of mulch or some oats in their food. I love that they are undemanding, that they make the coolest noises and they are just plain pretty. I love that they can live in small backyards as well as they can in huge open barns. I know, its strange but thats the kinda girl I am...

The girls enjoying the "muck billy"

Did I mention how much I love black chooks??

The girls having a gossip "Did you see Mabels egg this morning it was sooo tiny"

"Yes, I knowwwwwww"

And the ultimate gift, farm fresh warm eggs. They are all natural and aren't dyed.

This was going to be one of those wordless Wednesday posts but HA! I couldn't shut up if you paid me too!

Cin
p.s. hugs to Gen on the loss of her Nanni. Chin up chook!

A Different Kind of Normal

A few weeks ago, our sons teacher called us up to the school for an interview. There had been an incident which involved swimming, locker rooms and nudity (sigh), all you typical boy stuff. We went prepared to deal with it and move on. Her first words threw me for a loop and I stiffened in my seat.

"I think Aiden needs to be tested for ASD." Ms L said. Tony asked what ASD was and we were told it is Autistic Spectrum Disorder or one of the many behavioural types that come under the Autistic banner. Wow......

She proceeded to highlight areas of his behaviour which mimic those of an ASD child. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Putting inappropriate items in his mouth, check. Excellence in some areas of school but poor performance in most others, check. Lack of friends or trying to make friends, check. Unexplained violent behaviour, check. Susceptibility to noise in a class environment, check. Inability to concentrate in a group situation, check. Unable to handle change, check. Poor toileting habits, big check. Inability to follow directions or gets distracted from tasks easily, check.

We always joked that Aiden had Bright and Shiny Syndrome...you know those kids that will be talking to you and then, "Oh LOOK, bright and shiny!" and they drift off? Seems it may be more. The more we spoke, the more I realised that this could explain so much of Aidens behaviour. Last year one of his teachers found him slamming his head repeatedly against a wall, exclaiming he was stupid over and over again. I have asked her to write a statement about that incident to take to the paediatrician.

I'm lucky that I have a solid friend base and home base to help us during this time. We have specialist appointments booked but they all take time. Meanwhile, I have been logging any incidents that happen and potential triggers to see if I can find a pattern.

And, I have been loving my boy for the person he is, even if he is a different kind of normal.

Cin

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Its been a long summer, a very, very long summer. With three kids, all with different personalities under the same roof I expected the fights and tantrums. I didn't expect the humour as well.

Caitie was having a huge whinge that she was sitting at the table for dinner while Aiden had managed to sit in the lounge and watch the news with us. He walked past her and muttered something which cause an even bigger hissy fit. I asked what was going on and she spun around and yelled, "Tell Aiden to stop calling me twinkletoes!!"

I spat my water...