Schools Back...

Its been a long summer with the kids having to go to Vacation care two days a week due to my work commitments. They pretended they hated it but didn't think it was too bad, our provider is a family friend who loves my kids.

Today was the last day before school goes back so the kids and I spent the day making yummy treats for their lunch boxes. I had all three cook as I believe both boys and girls need to learn how to care for themselves. Below are the results.

Caitie made chocolate choc chip biscuits which we sandwiched together with nutella. These were truly yummy and with thick chunky bits of chocolate.

I bought the coolest muffin tin which Aiden and I used to make banana cake. It worked really well and I think square muffins will fit better in their lunch boxes.

Conor and I made the savoury portion of the treats; corn and tomato quiches. The amazing thing was that we don't actually own an oven. Ours blew up a while ago but we make do by cooking on our barbeque. So, yes, we made biscuits, banana cake and quiche in our hooded barbeque!

Tomorrow is a big day for all the kids with new classes, new friends and new challenges ahead of them. Fingers are crossed for a prosperous new year.

Fantastic Parenting Article

I'm the first to admit I don't have all the answers. Frankly, half the time I don't have a clue with Caitie but the following made sense to me. I read it at the Mother and Baby website. The article is titled "Argue with Me."

"Why would any sane parent teach his kids to talk back? Because, as one father found, it can actually increase family harmony.

Those of you who don’t have perfect children will find this familiar: Just as I was in line at a bank, my 5-year-old daughter chose to throw a tantrum, screaming and writhing on the floor while a couple of elderly ladies looked on in disgust. (Their children, evidently, had been perfect.) I gave Dorothy a disappointed look and said, “That argument won’t work, sweetheart. It isn’t pathetic enough.”She blinked a couple of times and got up, pouting but quiet.“What did you say to her?” one of the women asked.I explained that “pathetic” was a term used in rhetoric, the ancient art of argument. I had happened across the subject one rainy day in a library and become instantly obsessed. As a result Dorothy had learned almost from birth that a good persuader doesn’t merely express her own emotions; she manipulates her audience. Me, in other words.

Under my tutelage in the years that followed, Dorothy and her younger brother, George, became keenly, even alarmingly, persuasive. “Well, whatever it was,” the woman said, “it certainly worked.”Sure it did. I’ve worked hard at making my kids good at arguing. Absolutely.

Let’s face it: Our culture has lost the ability to usefully disagree. Most of us seem to avoid argument. But this has produced passive aggression and families unable to discuss things as simple as what to watch on television. Rhetoric doesn’t turn kids into back-sassers; it makes them think about other points of view. Whereas the goal of a fight is to dominate your opponent, in an argument you succeed when you bring your audience over to your side.

The three tools of argument.

To disagree reasonably, a child must learn the three basic tools of argument. I got them straight from Aristotle, hence the Greek labels: logos, ethos, and pathos.

Logos is argument by logic. If arguments were children, logos would be the brainy one, the big sister who gets top grades in high school. Forcing my kids to be logical forced them to connect what they wanted with the reasons they gave.

“Mary won’t let me play with the toy car.”
“Why should she?”
“Because she’s a pig.”
“So Mary should give you the car because she’s a pig?”

Doing this makes your kids think logically.

Ethos, or argument by character, employs the persuader’s personality, reputation, and ability to look trustworthy. My kids learned early on that a sterling reputation is persuasive – a parent is more likely to believe a trustworthy kid and to accept her argument. For example, if both kids deny having eaten the last cookie, ethos becomes vital.

Me: “One of you took the cookie.”
Dorothy: “Have I ever stolen cookies before?”
Me: “Good point. George?”

Then there’s pathos, argument by emotion. It’s the sibling who gets away with everything by skillfully playing on heartstrings. In rhetorical lingo, Dorothy’s tantrum wasn’t “pathetic” enough, because she was thinking too much about her own feelings and failing to manipulate mine. When a kid learns to read your emotions and play them like an instrument, you’re raising a good persuader.

Dorothy: “Dad, you look tired. Want to sit down?”
Me: “Thanks. Where did you have in mind?”
Dorothy: “The beach.”

So one example, using the three tools, would be:

“Mummy, I deserve an ice cream sundae because…I need a lot of extra calcium for my growing bones.” (The logos method.)I was just thinking about that time you were late picking me up from school…” (The pathos method.) I just cleaned my room – and my little sister.” (The ethos method.)

Admittedly, a toddler might find it difficult to apply logos, ethos, and pathos, but as with every other useful skill, you have to start young. Instead of “Use your words,” I would say, “See if you can talk me into it.” When my children made an honest attempt to persuade me to let them watch television, for instance, I gave in whenever possible: the win felt doubly rewarding to them. Indeed, as my children get older and more persuasive, I find myself losing more arguments than I win. They drive me crazy. They do me proud."

I found this article very helpful to understand why my kids often chuck a wobbly. They just don't know how to argue their point well enough. If you enjoyed this, check out part two on the website!

Where Did All the Nice Kids Go?

We spent a lovely day at the Beach on Sunday, a day before all the crowds would decend en masse' for Australia Day. After having a simple lunch of sandwiches and softdrink, the kids, with two parents in tow, hit the water. It was a gorgeous day, the sun was shining, the water was cold. It was just what we needed to blow out the cobwebs prior to jumping back on the school rollercoaster.

At a later part of the day, Husband and I meandered across the road to check out an Antique Store, leaving the kidlets to play in the playground. One item of fascination was an adapted flying fox which whizzed around on an almost oval track, sending all the kids into screaming fits of laughter.

As we came back across the road, it made my heart soar when I realised that Caitlin was helping all of the littlies to get up on the swing and was gently pushing them so they didn't fall off when it bounced back. Aiden was helping to pull it back up to its starting position and they were both making sure that everyone was taking turns. That is until a rotten little child of about seven, barged in and kept trying to get in front of everyone else. My dad was watching the kids and told Conor he couldn't have a go as he was too little. I explained to Dad that if he got hurt, well tough bikkies, he had to at least have a go. So, after wretched child had a turn, I went to help Conor up. And Brat promptly tried to get back on. I told him politely that he had just had a go, we were all waiting and he too could wait his turn. Needless to say, Conor had a go, didn't fall off and was way chuffed with himself.

It led me to the question though, "Where have all the nice kids gone?" Are mine the exception to the rule? I make my children say please and thankyou, they hold doors open for the elderly or ladies who are pregnant or with prams. They stop to pick up things others have dropped. Are they so rare these days? While swimming, occassionally the play was too rough so they were sent out for a time out. Again, am I the only one who stops my kids from doing wrong?

Brat child came walking back some time later with a huge icecream cone that my children were wistfully eyeballing. One by one they all came up and asked if they too could get an icecream. Unfortunately we hadn't budgeted for that for the day but I did counter offer with icy cold slices of watermelon. Well, my three were as happy as Larry, piling into the sweet slices and smearing it all over each other.

You know, this past year, Caitie was particularly rude to her teacher one day and was sent to the office to think about her behaviour. Admittedly her teacher was an idiot who was abusive to the children, threw things and was just awful BUT I made her write out an apology and give it to her teacher because he deserved her respect. I've done it with Aiden before. How can our children learn right from wrong if, as parents, we allow them to get away with so very much. Respect is an easy word to spell but a difficult concept to grasp. I hope that I have put in the hard yards and my kids learn these lessons now, to stand them in good stead later.